Happy Monday My People!
Who saw Verzuz last week? First and foremost I’d like to thank the Most High for Jadakiss. All praises due to the Lox. The Dipset provided a worthy and entertaining challenge. It was a beautiful night for Hip-hop.
I guess that’s the night I sorta came out of my funk. When I go through heavy things, it’s hard to pick up my pen. I get trapped in my mind. It’s almost like I’m a prisoner to myself.
I guess it’s a symptom of my mental health issues. I missed you all. I shared for 10 days in a row and I needed a break.
Perhaps today was supposed to be the day I came back anyway but the sludge between my last real piece and today made things difficult.
I wrote plenty of things. I just didn’t have the nerve to share them because they were extremely personal and I just didn’t think it was appropriate to share with the world at this time.
They actually may turn into a book one day but for now, they’ll be tucked away until the time is right.
Last Monday before the Verzuz battle, I had a session with my therapist. I tried to Zoom with him but for whatever reason my phone couldn’t provide him with the audio to hear me so we just talked on the phone.
I was explaining to him what I had been going through. My previous sessions had been upbeat. I told him about my book and other things going on in my life but for whatever reason, well my own fear actually, I didn’t tell him the real issues I had which at the time weren’t major.
They were getting there, but I felt things would work out in my favor. Well, they didn’t. I got overwhelmed. So here I am on the phone. Little by little I’m telling him certain things that were heavy on my mind.
He told me this story about this man in the forest. The man had ventured out on his own and after a period of time became lonely and increasingly overwhelmed with his circumstances.
He had left his tribe. He believed he was doing the right thing. He felt it was better to separate and be on his own, then to deal with the troubles in his village.
While he was out in the forest he came across a wise man. I forget what my therapist called the wise man, but he began to question the man’s motives for being in the forest alone.
He saw the results of the man’s troubled actions. His stress, anxiety, depression, mental, and physical exhaustion. The man began to explain his life’s challenges to the wise man and began to break down.
The man missed his queen. He missed his children and all the camaraderie of his village. He had a deep rooted guilt. He felt he was letting his people down.
He didn’t know how to fix the problems in his village. He couldn’t recapture the love he had for his queen so he left. He left for the dark unpredictable forest refusing help of any kind.
He told the wise man that he felt he had to do it on his own because that’s what men were supposed to do. A man is supposed to be able to provide for himself.
Hide his hurt. Smother his fears. If at anytime he shows weakness in such a dark place as the forest, he can be consumed by whatever enemy is lurking.
The man had been wandering in the forest for some time and finally let all his emotions get the best of him. He had no answers and finally came to the realization that his journey was a horrible learning experience that was triggered by an out of control ego.
The wise man began to suggest to him that maybe it was time that he go back to his village and seek to reconcile with his queen. The man was overcome with shame.
Fear, pride, shame, hatred, arrogance, and stubbornness are all poisonous fruits that dangle from the tree of ego. Their heavenly taste going down, provides a cancerous virus that over time consumes the host.
As the man learned all this from his elder, he began to weep. He wept because solutions for his problems escaped his being. Then he began to think. If his ego got him in to this predicament, only his true self could rescue him.
The wise man taught him about the importance of presence.
On his long journey out of the forest, the man realized that before he reached his destination, he would have to remember who he was.
Most of his life, he thought of himself as his body and his thoughts. However he began to realized that there was one who was in his being who actually feels his body and hears his thoughts.
He wasn’t his body. He has a body. He wasn’t his thoughts; he hears his thoughts. There was an explosion within the man.
He began to find tools to dig away this excessive clutter that buried this incredible power he had within. Power that he wasn’t separated from. He actually was the power. He was the source.
Life separates us from ourselves. It is our job while were on this plain of existence to remember who we are. We are not the identities we are given. We are not our names. We’re not the titles that identify the jobs and careers we perform.
We have names. We have jobs and careers, but who is the true possessor of those titles? Who performs that job?
We are extensions of the original source energy that creates lives and universes. Ego is the number one adversary of us all. We fall to ego because we forget we are love.
The man who wandered into the forest for so long, now journeys back to his tribe. Yes, he is fatigued. Yes, he has many enemies and obstacles between him and the destination of his tribe and queen, but the biggest weight that has left his being was his ego.