Gifts. Goals. Purposes.

Can You Relate?

Paul from the bible said he had this thorn in his side. Something just digging at him. I feel the same way. I think I’m depressed about the fact that I have so much to offer this world but have done so little with it.

I truly feel Earl Nightingale when he quoted someone saying “The human race is fixed. Not to prevent the strong from winning but the weak from losing”.

All my life I’ve tried to be responsible while at the same time being unmotivated. I’ve tried to play it safe while understanding that there is so much more out there for me to have.

It’s really not about materialism. It’s about freedom. I’ve worked a countless number of jobs because my whole life I’ve heard “get a good job with some benefits”! My whole life has been more about not losing than betting on myself.

I’ve turned on my own gifts and talents because when things got real for me, instead of being that person in the mirror I see everyday as a killer, when I walk away from that reflection and live my life, I’m weak.

Look at it from this perspective. If Superman doesn’t have the sun he gets weak. If we aren’t in the midst of our gifts, we get weak as well. We get further and further away from ourselves until we’re nothing.

We all know Superman can be destroyed from kryptonite but without the sun, he’s powerless. If you don’t remember, google it.

I’ve been scared of my own intuition. I’ve been afraid of failure and worst of all, at times I’ve even been scared of success.

I don’t want to be an individual lying on my death bed or laying in a coffin full of life I should have lived. Places I’ve never seen. People I’ve never met. Checks I should have cashed. The true love of my life I never found.

So today I just said fuck it. It’s time to commit to the purpose my life really is. Write my blogs, write my books, make that music, make those videos talking my shit. I’d suggest you make up your mind and do the same. Whatever your thing is, do it.

Everyone else seems to be doing it, so why not I? Why not us? Why should human beings trade our precious time just to get a wage when gifts produce life on top of finances.

Why should I live in this apartment complex working like a dog in exhaustion? Too tired to do anything for myself on my days off.

How many of us work a whole year for a weeks’ vacation and spend half of that week sleep? We don’t even earn enough money to take our kids anywhere on that measly week of vacation.

I started realizing that every day I work a job that’s not serving me, its one day I’ve lost towards getting closer to that house on my dream board. It’s pushing me further away from the dream car right under that house.

It’s time I could’ve been spending with my children I could never get back.

I know y’all hear me. Some of you are thinking to yourself, “this dude is speaking directly to me.” You know you’re in the same boat as I am.

Some of you all are athletes and artist who’ve gotten to your middle ages and in the midst of reading my words have reflected on times you should have taken that chance that could have changed your life but didn’t.

Now is not the time to blame outside influences such as friends and family. Of course they could have played a part but look at it this way.

How many of you have heard your parents clearly tell you not to do something when you were younger but you did it anyway? Some of those things were extremely destructive and they definitely were looking out for your best interest.

So why did you listen to them when you were writing that song and they told you “you have to have something to fall back on?” You knew even back then that your song writing abilities exceeded those songs you heard on the radio.

Or maybe you had an uncle tell you don’t take that full athletic scholarship playing basketball at that small school, because you need to find a better career with a good company with potential job advancement.

Now look at you. Look at us. Broke. Unhappy. Deep in our 40’s. Searching through YouTube videos every morning trying to find something to motivate us for this shitty day ahead.

Even if you played ball and didn’t make it, you would have at least tried.

Writing them bars and getting them to a record exec and him ultimately telling you that your not good enough would have at least gave you the satisfaction of hey, I’m still young enough to pursue something else, just not music.

It’s not about having the house on the hill, the dream love life, and all the money in the bank. It’s about following your own self and looking you in the mirror knowing that at the end of your life, you emptied your whole clip.

You may not have been a singer, rapper, or songwriter but may have been a great journalist after you heard a true opinion from a professional.

Playing ball may not have panned out but commentating a game in the NBA finals wouldn’t have been anything to be ashamed of.

The point is, you and I have to get over our regrets, pointing fingers, and claiming the haters took our dreams, and simply say, I’m here now. My life is fucked up, but tomorrow, regardless of where my life currently is, I’m going to do what the hell I want to do. Win, lose, or draw.

I and you should share that dish at the family function if we so choose. I love writing. What about you? Why can’t we write that book full of our regrets to teach about the pain of not following your dreams.

Maybe you have been thinking about that photography class at the community college. Stop thinking and just take it. Test drive that dream car. Fix your credit like I’m about to do and buy that house instead of paying slumlords.

Talk to that person you’ve been fantasizing about. They don’t have a ring on their left hand so shoot your shot. All they can say is no.

Most importantly, we need to finally be able to sleep at night. We need to love the person we see in the mirror every day and not feel like a coward for being afraid of truly living our precious lives.

Excuse all the colorful language but this was a real talk I shared with myself that you need to have with yourselves as well if you feel as I did.

It’s not too late…….. For anything…… Well maybe not boxing. I’m just trying to wake us up. Not get anyone killed!!

July 11, 2021

July 13, 2021

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