The Confusion Of Purpose

it’s not my intent to have a certain level of fame, I’ll just be happy if someone knows my name

I ask and pray for money, I’m upfront about it, so when I get it, you won’t look at me funny

I’ve been told I’m righteous and gifted, however, I’m also SKULLDUGGEROUS and wounded.

God has blessed me to drip bitter and sweet out the same faucet, my soul at times has reached the Pinnacle and right after that, lost it

At times I deal with unbearable pain, I ask the most high why the punishment, he smirks and replies are you insane?

I don’t punish you; I train your spirit, this is what you asked for, what your people feel, you have to feel it

Didn’t you tell me you wanted to help folks, well I’m preparing you for what you asked for

I tell the most high, how can I help my people when I have trouble helping myself, he tells me it’s my mistakes that will be the most help

Today my was heart broke, I see everything I want right over this glass ceiling, I failed to accomplish a goal, and the failure was the true definition of a stinging

I quit because I couldn’t see a way, but before today, an angel told me I must get out of my own way

It’s the hardest thing a person can do, getting out of there way so blessings can flow through

Especially when you been at the bottom so long, your now weak but started strong

You feel guilty that your progress hasn’t moved along, and you repeat the same mistakes as tired old songs

I say I now deserve my blessings; he says at the appointed time, I say I’m in need now, again, he says at the appointed time

I’m impatient, I say I’ve suffered enough, the most high is silent, I’m frustrated, maybe his silence means I need to toughen up

I’m tired and exhausted, I’m 49, I’m this I’m that, but I’m blessed beyond belief and that’s a real fact

I got two babies, 4 and 12, the oldest my savior, the youngest my true self

My savior is everything I want to be, love compassion, positive influence, my youngest is different, he’s gonna be the truest.

So how can I fuse those combinations of me that I see outside of me to improve the present me? 

feel there unconditional love for me when those times come that I feel weak. 

I’m blessed to know that I have a savior and reincarnation of me without seeing death, so I must push through this season of difficulties for you all, because you are why I have breath,

I’m giving all of y’all my life and strength, these words are spirit so none of you quit

I’m here to make your paths easier to navigate, see my flaws and learn from my mistakes,

Just like my kids, I want you all better than me, So suffering is nothing to me if I see what you’ve learned from me, makes you free. 

So a purpose ain’t always the sweet smell of roses, there’s twist and turns, ups and downs, and it’s my job you know this.

But still, that purpose, find it, it will make you better, just be prepared for the road ahead and ready for whatever

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